If I knew that it was going to be that complicated, I wouldn't have started working there at the first place...Oh, well...

What's left to do?

I have started asking myself about that possibility and -to my surprise- I no longer get nervous or sad. I must have accepted that this is the way things go and that this is just one of those things that apply to the law of fading and forgetting...
Well, what can I say...

There are times I really wonder about it, but then I just try to make myself believe that you wouldn't do it again...I try really hard and it usualy works. But, if I'm wrong, no, hell won't break loose. Hell will freeze. I am warning you: don't mess with me...

Forgive and forget

Time has gone mute.
My dreams as well.
Only my nightmares are still alive and vivid.
Our classified photos have become a giant wallpaper that has covered the walls in my tiny room and your image, your face, that I so much need to see right now, has haunted me.
Your eyes, oh, your eyes...
It's a crime I never told you about the diamonds in your eyes...

I am very sorry for all the trouble, all the pain and and all the disappointment...That's not what I intended...

It's been more than a year now that I've immigrated so as not to bother you anymore, but I still bother me. I will not forgive me for letting you go.

Nonsense

My vision is now blur. My eyes hurt. I am stuck here with a pair of binoculars and a chocolate bar. The rest of the world has disappeared! It's only me and you, baby! Show me the best you have! But hurry! I got appointed as Minister of Science in the new government and there are a lot to be done...
Crap! I am tired of all these nonsense.

So am I!

I have been uploading your sex scenes with all your boyfriends on the internet for the past 3 months!
No, I am just kidding! But you do have a lot of sex!
And you seem to enjoy it a lot!
When we were together, you used to have splitting headaches quite often, if I remember right...
In any other case, this should make me worry about my performance in sex.
But after we broke up, I have been fucking Diana (your sister), Helen (your cousin), Rebbecca (your other cousin), Christen (your next apartment neighbor) and your best friend, Mary and they all seem to enjoy it a lot, because they find silly excuses just and only to meet me again...

Seriously?

It's funny, though!
A few weeks ago you wanted me to make up my mind about my relationship status and if I decided to start an affair with you you were willing to move in at my place! Given the fact that your parents still have a strong influence upon you, this seemed to be your revolution!
I had told you that I didn't want to meet them just and only to get their approval and you surprised me by saying that being with me was the most important thing in your life. You said that you were in love with me, you silly woman, and asked me to have a sexual intercourse without a condom...
What, the hell, were you thinking? Why was I that drunk ...?

And now, here we are, strangers in the same city. A city with the population of my country and you have just moved with your new boyfriend at the opposite building...!

SERIOUSLY?

I left Greece because I broke up with my fiancée and couldn't stand everything that reminded me of her.
And now you fuck someone else outside my window!

Oh boy! I am going either to enjoy myself here or hate me for rejecting that offer at Patagonia...

?

I have the chance to travel all around the world while sitting in front of my laptop with a bottle of red wine next to me.
Bad news from everywhere.
People die, people get injured, people are imprisoned for trying to live freely.
Will this madness ever stop?
Will we ever live in peace?
How guilty am I for choosing to work in an office instead of volunteering to serve people in need?
Is it enough; donating money, voting the Lefts, talking about anti-capitalism and social values?
My daily biggest concern is to get laid and eat well. And drink, of course!
I consume electricity and recycle whatever I can but do I really need whatever I buy?
Especially when I KNOW that there are people who may die within the next moment; by the time I stopped typing...

We'll see

He 's fresh but he began his presidency with a surprisingly positive way!
Among others, he says that he wants Guantanamo closed by the end of the year; it would be interesting to see how is he going to deal with the precaution measures that resulted to so many arrests of suspects without any strong evidence.

What we need is solidarity and good faith. It would be catastrophic if we started suspecting everyone just because. It's a shame that we still fight against each other.

He is not the messiah; there are no messiahs, no prophets; just people who want to make the difference. Or who could but decided not to...

Hey, Santa!

Some colleagues suggested that we should attend Barack's fiesta and enjoy a city break at D.C. but I have never been fond of crowded gatherings; so I chose to stay at home and paint my bathroom's door that day.

I hope though that he will make the difference and try to improve things for people in need. Bill was also a Democrat but he ruined Yugoslavia and father Bush just before him attacked Iraq and his son has been playing with guns since day one. It's a risky business to be the President and you can easily end up washing other people's blood off your hands.

What do I pledge for? Social justice, peace, environmental respect and redistribution of money...

Santa Claus, what do you think? Have I been a good boy or will you punish me for breaking up with her and immigrating to the States?

Working abroad....

So, I did what I had said I would!
No regrets.
It's not the most well payed job of the world, I am not the caretaker of the Hamilton Island at the Great Barrier Reef; but I keep myself busy doing something relevant with what I 've studied and that's interesting.
That, I could never have accomplished at Greece. Or it would take much more time. And time is something that I don't have to spare, trying to convince Professors that I am better than their relatives and that they should choose me.

"Choose me, pick me!"...What am I? A teenage girl that prays for her beloved one to get involved?
Nope! Been there, done that...

Last summer

This will be my last summer here as an employee.
I'll enjoy the sunny weather, I'll drink as much as my liver can metabolize, I'll explore some of the islands and then I will take off...

Xmas

Wake up late.
Drink 2 litres of coffee.
Smoke 5 packets of cigarettes.
Drink 3 bottles of wine.
Eat nothing.

Enjoy your thoughts!

Prepare your return to the States, because the country you are working at now lacks structure and operates in a non linear way; so non linear that ti makes it impossible for you to build the future...

Bloody Xmas

[...] What's left there for us then? [...]

[...] We can do whatever pleases us.
But knowledge can be painful, so I pledge for ignorance. [...]

[...] With our secrets. [...]

[...]But what I am experiencing now is not a "Merry Christmas"!

[...] I want to go back at the States. It's easier for me to live there. A total stranger amongst others. Why do I even bother coming here for Xmas? I only have a nice time with a couple of friends and that's all! I could invite them at York and spent the holidays there...It would be just nice...

But here, it's a nightmare. So many memories...

Tired

I'm tired.
I didn't ask for the life given, but it was given to me nevertheless.
I tried to do my best with it; of course I could do better.
[...]
Too much stress, too much pain, too many thoughts...
So, I'm stuck here!
Stuck here wishing for an instant relief...

Secrets and hypocrisy

The gap between us is growing bigger. Soon I won't be able to reach you. Distance makes us strangers. I don't know what you dream of now. I'm certain that everything is different. What used to be your wish, no longer is. And you keep cutting me off. What I learn about you is only what you want me to learn. Secrets. Fragments of a truth much different than yours.

If I ever return, I don't think that you could recognize me. I've changed and keep changing. I used to be someone else and now I am a completely different person with other needs and wishes. Perhaps I want to live abroad forever. Will you come with me and experience the alien dream? At the same time, I hesitate to inform you about my decisions and I wait for you to get tired by the distance. The ever growing distance. We are like the continents.
[...]
What is worst? To imply that something is wrong, like you do? Or to act as if I were innocent, like I do?
Who is the biggest liar? Me or you?

And, after all, what does that mean about our relationship?

Ι will write

My confused mind and my fatigued soul search for ways to get relieved. Exposing oneself to the public is a sort of solution. Noone could guarantee what the result may be, but I'll seize the opportunity. And I will write...I don't know what's for me to gain and what's to lose. But I feel I have no other choise. Either this or introversion and silence. Silence is a much more worse torture.

I know what is around the corner

I will start falling shortly. And a fall it will be, because I imagine that after entering the rabbit's burrow, the tunnel will soon get narrower and will end to a hole and the only way to continue would be to try to go down, to descend. But the ground would be soft and I won't be able to hold and will fall...