Tired

I'm tired.
I didn't ask for the life given, but it was given to me nevertheless.
I tried to do my best with it; of course I could do better.
[...]
Too much stress, too much pain, too many thoughts...
So, I'm stuck here!
Stuck here wishing for an instant relief...

Secrets and hypocrisy

The gap between us is growing bigger. Soon I won't be able to reach you. Distance makes us strangers. I don't know what you dream of now. I'm certain that everything is different. What used to be your wish, no longer is. And you keep cutting me off. What I learn about you is only what you want me to learn. Secrets. Fragments of a truth much different than yours.

If I ever return, I don't think that you could recognize me. I've changed and keep changing. I used to be someone else and now I am a completely different person with other needs and wishes. Perhaps I want to live abroad forever. Will you come with me and experience the alien dream? At the same time, I hesitate to inform you about my decisions and I wait for you to get tired by the distance. The ever growing distance. We are like the continents.
[...]
What is worst? To imply that something is wrong, like you do? Or to act as if I were innocent, like I do?
Who is the biggest liar? Me or you?

And, after all, what does that mean about our relationship?

Ι will write

My confused mind and my fatigued soul search for ways to get relieved. Exposing oneself to the public is a sort of solution. Noone could guarantee what the result may be, but I'll seize the opportunity. And I will write...I don't know what's for me to gain and what's to lose. But I feel I have no other choise. Either this or introversion and silence. Silence is a much more worse torture.

I know what is around the corner

I will start falling shortly. And a fall it will be, because I imagine that after entering the rabbit's burrow, the tunnel will soon get narrower and will end to a hole and the only way to continue would be to try to go down, to descend. But the ground would be soft and I won't be able to hold and will fall...